You're More Beautiful Than You Think!

I was just perusing my Facebook feed and saw that one of my friend's had shared Dove's video, below. He said it was worth the watch and so I did. Worth it, indeed. Not only did I get a bit choked up during it, but it really got me thinking. So much so that I decided not to go with the light, funny post I had intended for tonight. I know the video is three minutes (which is hours in social media time), but it really is something. Watch it and then read my thoughts below, if you so desire!

This video is about so much more than women's self confidence. It's about self perception and how we see ourselves. Everyone is their own worst critic, that is just fact. Even the prettiest girls can't help but beat themselves up from time to time. What shocked me the most about this video was that these women, who were in their 20's, 30's and 40's, had such distorted perceptions of what they looked like. Self deprecation knows no bounds. It doesn't differentiate between age. I suppose if someone had asked me at what age are women most vulnerable about their appearance, I would've said late teens to early twenties. Maybe that's because that's when I felt the most disconnected in my body. It upsets me that beautiful women in their 30's and 40's are still feeling the way I felt for a short time in my life. I wasn't as much of a "I have this wrong with me" insecure, but more of a "I wish I had that girl's legs/stomach/arms/fill in the body part" type of insecure. In hindsight, that's basically the same thing but it was the comparing myself to other people that was the most hurtful to myself. I don't really know when I started to grow out of this. It was a slow process of getting older, experiencing more things, and just becoming more comfortable in my own skin. I learned to accept what my body had the potential to look like (I will never be a size 2, or even 4 for that matter because I have hips and no amount of exercise or diet will change them). But I know that with regular exercise and a moderately healthy diet, I can get to a point when looking in the mirror not only doesn't make me cringe but maybe even makes me smile.

In this video, these women described themselves in terms of their flaws (or what they perceived to be flaws) whereas the strangers described them in terms of their best features. I think what's important to take away is that the world sees you in terms of your best, not in terms of your worst. Only you are looking at those dark circles underneath your big, beautiful expressive eyes. Strangers just see those eyes. I think it is so important to be kind to ourselves and to try focusing on the positive every once in a while. All this negativity is just bringing us down. This was reinforced by the blonde lady near the end of the video who, when looking at both sketches, realized that the one she described looked "sad" whereas the stranger's description looked more "open" and "happy". So, do yourself a favor and be nice to yourself today, it just may make you happier!

I can't say it any better than Dove did, so I won't: You're more beautiful than you think!

j.

You Belong in 'X'

 

image via Pinterest

You know the feeling you get when you're reading a good book and it's nearing the end but you just don't know exactly how it's going to end? That's what my life feels like right now. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that my program will be over in May. I don't know what I want to do or maybe more importantly, where I want to do it once I graduate from Parsons.

I feel torn between two completely different options. I can stay in NYC and work for a year or I can move back home to Calgary. If you had told me a few years ago that I would be considering moving back to Calgary, I would've told you you were crazy. I don't know when exactly it happened but lately something has shifted in me, making moving back to the city I grew up in an appealing choice. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and realizing that I want to be near my family. I've been away for nearly ten years, but perhaps that was the amount of time I needed to feel ready to call that place my home again.When I think about moving to Calgary, it feels right in a sense. But I can't stop the little voice in the back of my head from planting seeds of doubt in my mind. What if I don't like living there? What if I can't find a job that allows me to use my schooling or at the very least, my creativity?

If I stay in NYC, I will get the chance to work in the fashion industry, which has always been the goal. Sometimes I feel like I should not even have to think twice about this and that I'm crazy for not jumping at the chance to work in my dream field in the city where it all happens. But I do have to think twice and I'm not jumping anywhere at the  moment. This city is inspiring and breath-taking and I've never felt more alive but a part of me feels unsettled, for lack of a better word. Maybe because I know in my heart that this is not the place I want to settle down, so in a way it feels counter-productive to start my career here. This city, with all of it's positives, has a dark side that can chip away at your soul if you're not careful. It's busy chaos can leave you feeling lonely and cold. And while the pace of NYC can be hard to keep up with at times, I worry that the pace of Calgary will leave me running circles with no finish line in sight.

I literally flip-flop on this decision every other day. Some days I'm leaning towards staying in NYC and giving it a try for at least the next year but then something happens and I'm back to mentally preparing the moving checklist I'll need should I decide to leave. Most people are on New York's side (besides maybe the few friends I have in Calgary), and tell me I should definitely stay and get a job. Even with all the support and obvious benefits of staying in the city, I find myself defending Calgary and talking it up more times than not. Is this a sign or is this me trying to convince myself of something? I don't know and although I don't need to know right now, I will need to know soon. I'm just waiting for that moment of clarity to come smack me in the face and yell at the top of its lungs,  

"YOU BELONG IN 'X'". 

Please tell me that's going to happen.

j.

On Being Your Own Best Friend

touque (US translation: beanie) {Steve Madden via Century 21} - sweater {Forever 21} - black skinnies {Old Navy}

brown boots {Steven by Steve Madden via Century 21} - photo credit {Kiki}

We all know the cliche "you have to love yourself before someone will love you" and while I know that this saying probably causes a lot of eye rolling, I think there is some truth to it. I am an "alone" person and what I mean by that is I enjoy spending time by myself. I'm not talking about the regular day to day things that you do on your own, like riding the subway to work/school or going to the gym. I'm talking about hanging out with yourself. Taking yourself on adventures, be it an afternoon of shopping, exploring a new part of the city, sitting down at a restaurant for a solitaire meal or going to a museum or even a movie by yourself. I think this is an important part of figuring out who you are, or maybe more importantly, who you want to be. I believe that you have to know who you are as a single before you can become a pair. This comes inherently to some people, while others have to learn to be comfortable being by themselves. I don't know if I've always been this way, but I certainly know that I've spent a lot of time by myself over the past two years and it has been good for me. There is a certain freedom that comes with being by yourself because you get to do whatever it is YOU want to do. You don't have to cater to anyone else's feelings or desires or make any sacrifices whatsoever. This may seem selfish but I think that being selfish sometimes is necessary. It's necessary in the sense of personal development and growth but also in the sense of building and maintaining relationships (both friendly and romantic). I mean, if you don't want to hang out with you, what makes you think other people do?

New York is the perfect city for hanging out with yourself because anything goes here. You wouldn't look "weird" going to a restaurant (or even a bar!) on your own. I get a rush sometimes when I'm walking the streets solo, listening to my tunes and I know that I can do whatever I want, go wherever I want. It's liberating, in a sense. I wonder if being single has enabled me to spend more time by myself (in a word, yes). But even if you are in a relationship doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't make time for you. I think it's important to find out what makes you tick. Someone once asked me if I ever got bored being by myself. The answer was a resounding NO! Quite the opposite, really. I do all my big thinking and pondering when I'm alone, come up with all my best ideas. Like there is consistent chatter with another person, there is consistent thoughts running through my head and when I'm alone, I have the chance to sort through them and decide what to do with them.

If you are one of those people who would rather not spend time alone, for whatever reason you may have, I encourage you to try it. Start small, with baby steps. If the thought of going to the movies sans your posse makes you cringe, try taking yourself out for coffee first. What is your favorite thing to do with your closest friend, give it a try on your own and see how it feels. You may just surprise yourself and end up enjoying it. Learn to love being by yourself and in turn you will end up learning to love yourself. And since we're all kind of stuck with ourselves for the rest of our lives, that may just be the best gift you could give yourself.

j.